complete...

Had the spur of the moment desire to own an MP3 player, and Creative was having their festival, so i managed to ask a friend to help me get one (cos it's reallie far, all the way in Jurong!).

Been having lotsa fun ripping CDs, and transferring the songs i have on computer to my new baby.... even went CD shopping (so dun accuse me of piracy ah!).

Am playing this song "Complete" by Parachute Band over and over again....heard it reallie long ago... and recently heard it again.... i simply love this song..... the lyrics describe juz what i feel......

Here i am O God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I open up my life
I look to You Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So i lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will i break through Lord
Touch me now let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm i will hold on Lord
And by faith i will walk on Lord
Then i'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And i will be complete in You

Yesterday, juz out of the blue, i suddenly missed him so much.... and i haven't felt that way for some time already..... i thot i had grown numb...... but yesterday, the wounds tore open again..... fresh and raw.....

i dunno what came over me, reallie.... but i had a good cry.... with God by my side....

Christmas is juz ard the corner... it's the season of giving, of love, of hope, of all things that remind us of God....... it's a time i love most in the year.... i love the Christmas carols... the lovely lights that line the streets and malls... i love how little kids seem to be juz that bit happier, with the anticipation of receiving presents.... i love how familes get together for that Christmas dinner.... i love how even the air smells sweeter......

This Christmas is gonna be different from the last... and it brings back many memories.... but i'll not let anything tarnish my Christmas......

I'm walking on.... juz like the song...

Through the storm i will hold on Lord
And by faith i will walk on Lord
Then i'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And i will be complete in You

walking on

Back from Bangkok

Got back last Friday... it was quite a fruitful trip, Ady and i each lugging at least 2 bags. Spent more than i expected, but i must say that they were all reallie good buys. The thought of setting up shop in S'pore, and getting the stock from Bangkok surfaced a couple of times... now we know how much we're being over-charged for the clothes sold here...

Heading back to Bangkok after only a year brought back memories, especially so when we realised we were back at the same hotel.... that was a year back.... juz before things got started between us....

i must admit that the trip was more a diversion for me... a distraction away from thoughts of the past.... a breather from the heaviness in my soul.... escapism it may be, but if i could, i'd choose to keep escaping....

It doesn't help that bros keep playing his fave song on the PC.... that mom asks abt him every now and then.....

Almost 5 mths now.... seems like a long time, but the road to recovery seems endless. It seems that the more i try to forget, the more it seems impossible.... perhaps i should juz change my focus.... not to forget, but to focus on God instead.

The Big Move

We're heading to the Expo this week... a sense of excitement n anticipation has filled the services in the last couple of weeks. Worship has neva been better.....

This move marks a whole new chapter in my spiritual walk... it's been almost 4 year now..... mistakes have been made, painful lessons learnt.... tears of joy, sorrow have been shed..... frens who dunno me well think that i've been consistent in my walk.... close frens know better..... this walk had not been a smooth one..... i'd fallen a couple of times.... but each time, God was always there to help me up....

I pray that as i start on a clean slate, i'll be able to walk on stronger.... armed with the lessons learnt.... the memories i have will always stay wif me.... and for that, i am grateful. After all, we'd juz be robots if we didn't have memories to keep.... but i won't let the memories destroy me.... time will heal.... it always does.....